“The ‘L’ Word”

As much as I hate it and it pisses me off sometimes, sometimes lupus can be useful.

For instance, when I am wigging out because of a failed relationship that my parents don’t know about, it’s just the lupus flaring.

When I’m feeling too emotionally drained to get off the couch because I feel like I’ve failed at life and I don’t want to go out, I tell my friends it’s just the lupus flaring.

When I’ve taken on too many commitments and am exhausted and in pain, it’s just the lupus flaring.

And most of the time it’s true, the lupus is flaring.

But when I meet a guy who seems interested in me, I have to wonder, how long do I wait before I drop the bomb?

Bones, joints, and muscles ache like I’m eighty years old. That’s a real turn on, huh?

Sometimes I get nauseous and dizzy for no reason at all. And my mind goes blank and I can’t even remember your name. That’s a real turn on, isn’t it? A girl who can’t even remember your name…

So before we can talk about to LOVE, let’s talk about LUPUS…

"My Life As I Know It ... Right Now (An Unconventional Poem)"

I am burning through my SPF 50 sunscreen
I think I am allergic to the rain
I take 11 pills a day... Count them... 11
My hair is falling out...
I thought this, but my sister assured me when we were at the hairdresser getting hair cuts and she told me that my hair was clogging up the drain
I don’t have much of an appetite
The fluorescent lights in my office give me a headache
My head is foggy and I can’t concentrate on anything but trying to compose a thought
I’m so nauseous and dizzy, I get stopped in my tracks... I can’t distinguish the ceiling from the floor
My body seems to know only two temperatures – Too cold and too hot
I am still sporting a bruise from blood I had drawn nearly three weeks
My patience is wearing thin
I hate looking in the mirror
I am sick of bumps in the road
I am tired of being tired all the time
I wish I felt my age instead of feeling like I’m 80 when I’m only 22
But of course, things could always be worse...
So they tell me, and I try to believe...

This is the poem that I submitted for the “Creative Corner” of “Lupus Now”. I highly recommend checking out the other stories and poems that are posted there.

"Seeing Is Believing"

You look at me
And think that looking also means
Knowing who I am
But underneath the polished veneer
That you take to mean an easy life
My life is far from easy
Some people would even call it hard, difficult
Some might even say it sucks
So I can no longer linger on what you may think
Of me
Or not think of me, for that matter
Because I am
A multitude of things
And whether or not you choose see it
I am me

I had jaded myself into thinking that I would make this poem longer. But to no avail, I finally decided to post it. This poem explores issues of judgment and invisibility, and while it does not explicitly talk about illness, it is in reference to such illness-related issues.

"Is It All In My Head?"

I created the above collage entitled, "Is It All In My Head," in my *spare* time and if nothing else, it was very cathartic to cut magazines to shreds and make a futile attempt at using scissors.

Let's Get This Party Started

A few weeks ago when I got the idea in my head for this project, I was super excited about it, until I realized that I have too much to do and too little time to do it. But I figured that I should be the first to post something here, so that is what I am going to do.

So if all goes as planned, I won't be the one doing all the work for this one. I hope others will join me in putting our many creative talents to good use!

This Blog Is Currently Under Construction!!!

Check back soon for updates!